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This is the same issue that arises when you meet someone who possesses certain physical characteristics that float your boat along with other qualities, characteristics and apparent values and you over-correlate the information and assume that they not only possess other characteristics, qualities, and values that you like, but that they’ll also give you the relationship you want.It’s such an enormous assumption leap, it leaves a rather painful chasm between you both that will come back to bite you in the arse when you wonder “But we have so much in common so why the hell isn’t this relationship working?

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What you can immediately learn here if you’re doing this, is that in spite of the fact that you won’t do any ‘discovery’ and make healthy judgements, you actually give yourself far too much credit for your power of ‘instant’ judgement.

What you glean in a moment or in a date, isn’t ‘all’ that you know.

These very same people will protest that they ‘can’t’ go on a date with someone and will find it unlikely that their attraction and interest will grow, if they don’t feel it immediately.

For them, attraction, love, chemistry and the whole kit and caboodle have a foundation in something of nothing. What you don’t realise if you’re relying on ‘instant’ or very quick attraction, is that you’re saying that you can be attracted to and even fall in love with someone that you don’t know, but that you couldn’t become attracted to and fall in love with someone that you grew to know. You can fall in love with the promise, but you couldn’t fall for the reality?

Hell, I just gave a TEDx talk about this very thing.

Men scramble to approach women like rats chewing on a meaty chicken bone, and then wonder why women are so turned off by them.Man barely lasts two hours as a woman because the responses from his fellow men are so toxic.“At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating.They stick with their initial perception and they don’t reconcile it with reality.When the person does things that directly contradict the image you have of them, you keep going back to the initial feelings and perceptions you had, as if this is ‘right’.You might read through some profiles and even though they appear to have similar values, you don’t feel that ‘spark’ and so dismiss them.

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