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Being the son of a military personnel, he understood quite early what relocating from one part of the country to another meant.By the time he was six – the age many of his peers started primary education, his father was posted to Benin, Edo State, after initially being transferred to Jos in Plateau State.

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“When we arrived the barracks my father was posted to in Benin, I had hoped that I would immediately begin primary education there but that was not the case.

The school that children living in the barracks attended was inside the town, quite far from us, and because I couldn’t climb into the military truck that conveyed them to and from school as a result of my condition, I had to stay back at home and wait until a primary school was built in the barracks before I could begin my education. “Sadly, the month I finished primary school coincided with the period my father retired from the army; so automatically we had to relocate to our village in Enugu.

If you’re serious, here are some suggestions for making an exit that focuses on self-care. Whatever story he has told you about why he’s with both of you, the cold hard truth is that he has chosen not to leave because having the best of both worlds is what he chooses. Blaming her for his infidelity and blaming you for why he hasn’t left ignores the bigger picture of the real issues. I know that I never saw myself as a sideline woman, no matter how low my self-esteem was. This is a good time to think about your short-, medium- and long-term goals, as well as your values. If you can afford it, go away for a few days or a week to somewhere nice or go and stay with friends and family. Stop being where he expects you to be and break whatever routine you have. There is someone in your life who can and will be empathetic and support you with your exit.

Think very hard about whether you want to continue living on the fringes and in the shadows of his life? Is this affair taking you towards your needs, expectations, and wishes or is this taking you in the opposite direction? Remember that occasions like birthdays, Christmas, New Years won’t have to be spent waiting for his call or snatching a moment together. Turn off your phone and let the important people know where you are so that you don’t worry. When I speak to women involved with attached men, whether they realise it or not, they are almost always in a tight routine. A confidante gives you a sanity check but also gives you a rock of support.

I stood no chance as far as many people were concerned,” he said.

Born and raised in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Onwe woke up one morning suddenly realising he could no longer move all four limbs.

Affairs can be extra tough to walk away from because there’s that fear that you haven’t been understanding and patient enough – you have – and that all pervasive fear that you’re going to break up with Mr Married/Attached just at that moment when he was actually going to leave his wife/girlfriend.

There’s the sense of rejection, loss, and even abandonment that can be activated by an affair.

Born into a polygamous home and to a father, who could barely provide decent meals for the family from the little he earned as a soldier in the Nigerian Army, the 44-year-old knew the true meaning of deprivation from a very early age.

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